What dou you call a fish with no eyes?

Q) What dou you call a fish with no eyes? 
A) FSH

Where do../

Q) Where do wild pigs go on weekends?
A) Pignics.

Two snakes are talking..

Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?"
The other replays, "Yes,why?..."
"I just bit ma lip."

A man takes his..

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy".

Two zebras meet and begin..

Two zebras meet and begin to argue about whether they are white with black stripes or black with white stripes.
The first zebra goes and asks God.
God responds by saying, "You are what are."
So the zebra returns and says to the other zebra we are white with black stripes.
The other zebra says how do you know? What did God say?
The zebra replies saying he said we are what we are. If we were black with white stripes he would have said, "You is what you is."

Imagine that ur in the forest..

Q) Imagine that ur in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you. What do you do?
A) U stop imagining...

Why does a dog stay in a shadow...

Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.

A man went to visit a friend..

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.
He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

A friend took her dog..

A friend took her dog to the parlor for a haircut, and asked what it would cost.
Being told that it would cost her $50, she was outraged.
"I only pay 30 bucks for my own haircut!"
The groomer replied, "That may be true. But then you don't bite. do you?!"

A man was walking down..

A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp. "I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children; so he's going to live with us - just like one of the family. He'll eat at the same table with us. He'll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife." "But what about the smell?" the friend asked. "Oh, he'll just have to get used to it, the same way I did.

TEACHER: In this box...

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
Student : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

A chicken crossed..

A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond,
'What's your name?' asked the chicken,
'Bond, James Bond. What's yours?'
'Ken, Chick Ken.'

How do you know..

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Baby mosquito came back..

Baby mosquito came back after flying for the first time.
His mom asked him "How do you feel?"
He replied "It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!"
Now that's what is a Positive Attitude!!

Little Ravi attended a horse..

Little Ravi attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Ravi asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Ravi, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

At school one day..

At school one day the teacher heard cat noises coming from the class, and she discovered little Jimmy with a cat up his jumper.
She said, "Why have you got your cat at school?"
Little Jimmy started crying. "I woke up this morning to hear the postman tell Mummy 'I'm gonna eat your p*ssy today!"

A lion is getting married in jungle.

A lion is getting married in jungle. There is a big bash and all animals are dancing to the tune of loud music being played.
In a corner, a rat is dancing too.
Rat is asked, "Hey! Why are you dancing?
Rat replied, "It's my brother's marriage, so only."
"When did the lion become you brother?"
The Rat: "Before marriage I was a lion too."

A preacher went to buy a parrot and asked..

A preacher went to buy a parrot and asked - "Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?"
The salesman said, "Oh no, it's a religious parrot," "Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the Lord's Prayer, and when you pull on the left, he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "What happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall, you stupid fool!" answered the parrot.

A preacher went to buy a parrot and asked..

A preacher went to buy a parrot and asked - "Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?"
The salesman said, "Oh no, it's a religious parrot," "Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the Lord's Prayer, and when you pull on the left, he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "What happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall, you stupid fool!" answered the parrot.

Jacky, a blind man, had a dog...

Jacky, a blind man, had a dog. They were sitting on a bench waiting their bus. The dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs.
A fellow sitting near Jacky said, "That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?"
Jacky the blind replied, "Dear, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so that I can kick him